


Okay

by Random_Soul



Series: Aaron Burr x Hamilsquad [12]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron burr needs a hug, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Explicit Language, George Washington is a Dad, I'm Sorry, Lack of Communication, M/M, Polyamory, Poor Aaron Burr, Thomas is a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Soul/pseuds/Random_Soul
Summary: Aaron Burr is not okay
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Aaron Burr/Everyone, Aaron Burr/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Aaron Burr/Hercules Mulligan, Aaron Burr/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton/Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, John Laurens/Hercules Mulligan
Series: Aaron Burr x Hamilsquad [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586617
Comments: 13
Kudos: 147





	Okay

Aaron Burr is not okay.

He's been dating Alexander, Lafayette, John, and Hercules for almost six years, four years living together. And, in general, it's been the best thing that's ever happened to him. He wakes up every morning surrounded by the four people that make up his world and goes to bed knowing where they are. He's been told he's beautiful constantly and they have supported him through everything, even through arresting his uncle for abuse. They care for him and always makes sure he's okay, both physically and mentally. But there's one thing that has been bringing him down recently.

It's been two months since any of them have told Aaron they love him.

He knows for a fact that they've all been really busy but he feels like they are just ignoring him. Three weeks ago was the last time they said good morning to him. Sure, he could initiate it but he's never had to. He was never touchy-feely and they all are okay with that. He's tried to initiate it once or twice with each person but it is never successful. Another thing that gets to him is what comes after the "I love you". It's been two months since he's been kissed, two months since he's been reminded that he belongs, and two months since anyone has looked at him like he was more than just a nuisance. So, in conclusion,

Aaron Burr is not okay.

As tradition goes, he makes breakfast sandwiches that were easy to grab and go. With everyone so busy, they haven't sat down for a meal in three months. As tradition goes, they come out, grab one, and go. As tradition goes, they don't say "thank you" or "good morning" before they leave.

And they certainly don't say "I love you".

Aaron's had enough. He knows his love isn't fragile, but there is only so much he can take. Even after fights, they always reminded each other that they love one another. He never went to bed, doubting if he was wanted.

That's recently changed too.

After everyone is gone, Aaron gets into his car and drives to work. He goes to his desk and begins working, wanting to take his mind off of home life. Even that's hard to do when he hears Hamilton's yelling from here. He sighs and puts his head in his hands, about ten seconds away from crying. A knock is heard at the door. He shoots up and smiles, hoping it's his boyfriend.

"Come in!"

"Hey, Aaron, I know you're busy but James is sick. Could you fill out part of his paperwork, today?" George Washington asks. Aaron's body slumps.

"Yeah, sure." His voice sounds broken. Washington closes the door and comes in, sitting down.

"What's wrong, son?"

"Home life is rough." Washington raises an eyebrow.

"Really? Do I have to beat some sense into those four idiots?" Aaron looks up with puffy eyes, tears beginning to fall. 

"It's been two months since any of them has told me they love me. And-and I've said it first, I really have, but they didn't say it back to me! Is it me? What did I do?" Washington's heart breaks.

"I'm sorry." He looks over at the knock at the door. Aaron wipes his tears.

"Come in!" Alex walks in while looking at papers.

"Hey, Washington? Could you come look at this?"

"Give me a minute, I'm talking to Aaron."

"Okay." And with that, he left. Aaron bursts into tears.

"He didn't even notice!" Washington rubs his back.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Like it will be better there?"

"What about James' house?" Aaron thinks.

"Okay. But what about my work?"

"I'll do it. You need to take a break." Aaron nods and goes out. Directly outside of his room is Alexander, looking over the same papers.

"Goodbye, Alexander." He turns and leaves. Alex didn't even look up.

______________________________________________________________________________ 

Hercules comes home, tired from another long day. It has been the busiest month of his life, but at least business is booming. Right now, he's working on the outfits for a bride and a groom with a sunset color scheme. It really was beautiful. Hercules goes to the kitchen to grab a plate of whatever Aaron made. He stopped in his tracks by the absence of food. Aaron must be working late. He calls Alex.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Alex. Are you two picking up food?"

"Uhm, I can, but I don't know about Aaron. I haven't seen him all day."

"That's weird. He's not cooking dinner."

"Oh. Well, he's not with me. Let me go check the office." Hercules looks through the fridge for something to hold him off. Lafayette comes in, wanting to get a plate and go to work like Hercules. John comes out of his office to get dinner as well. They look at Hercules and Hercules shrugged. Alex's voice comes through.

"He's not here."

"What?"

"Aaron. He's not in the office. Are you sure he's not home?" Hercules sighed.

"Maybe. Let me go check."

"What's happening?" John asks. Hercules looks at him.

"We don't know where Aaron is. You haven't seen him, have you?"

"No. Hold on, I'll look through the house real quick." John starts walking through the house with Lafayette. After a few minutes, they all come back. Hercules puts the phone on speaker.

"Anything?"

"Nope."

"Can't we just call him?" Laf questions. John pulls out his phone. They hear a ringtone from the kitchen counter.

"He left his phone here." Alex thinks.

"Wait. Washington was talking to him this morning. He'd know what was happening."

"Make sure you put the phone on speaker." They hear something click and background noise picks up. Alex knocks on the door.

"Come in!" Alex enters. They hear him sit down on something leather and set the phone down.

"I was wondering when you would come."

"Sorry?"

"I sent Aaron away only fifteen minutes after he showed up. I was wondering when you would notice he was gone. Didn't think it would take almost twelve hours." Hercules, Laf, and John look at each other. John leans forward.

"If I may, sir, we are currently home and Aaron is not here-"

"I said I sent Aaron away, not home. He didn't want to go home."

"Why wouldn't he want to go home?"

"That's for you guys to figure out."

"Okay, well, where is Aaron? He left his phone here."

"Once more, I will not say. Figure it out yourself. Good day boys."

"Mr. Washington-"

"Good day, boys." Washington stated firmly, leaving no room for arguing. Alex grabs the phone and leaves. He thinks.

"I'm gonna go visit James, see if he knows where Aaron is."

"Come home and drop off the car. We'll go together." Hercules hangs up. Lafayette rubs his face, thinking.

"What did we do to mess up this bad?"

______________________________________________________________________________ 

Thomas always liked Aaron. Sure, he was quiet, shy, and good friends with one of the most annoying people on the face of the planet, but Thomas liked him. He was James' friend and so he learned to tolerate him. James knows that Thomas views Aaron as a brother. With having several siblings of his own, Thomas has gone into overprotective sibling mode more times then he cared to count. So, when Thomas came over to a crying Aaron in James' arms, he almost murdered someone. That was tripled when he heard the story. He stayed by their side, making them something to eat. At six-thirty, a knock was heard at the door. Thomas opened it to see Lafayette, John, Hercules, and Alex.

"Hey, Thomas I-" Thomas slammed the door. James looked over with Aaron, both knowing who it is. A knock is heard again. He rolls his eyes and opens the door.

"what?"

"Do you know where Aaron is?"

"Yes." Thomas slammed the door again. They knock harder.

"What do you want?"

"Our boyfriend."

"So, now you want him." Thomas rolled his eyes, stepping outside and shutting the door behind him.

"What do you mean 'now you want him'? We are dating him, after all."

"Are you?" John, the one who's been talking this entire time, looks at him strangely.

"Yes." Alex rolls his eyes.

"We don't have fucking time for this." That's it. Thomas blew up.

"Oh really? You don't have time!?! Well, that's a big surprise! From what I've heard, you don't have time for anything!"

"What do you mean!?! We just want to talk to our boyfriend!"

"Of course you do. Now that you are mildly inconvenienced, you want him." Thomas stated, his tone much more menacing now that it's lowered. Lafayette steps forward.

"Mon ami, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about facts. I'm talking about you being the worst boyfriends known to man." Hercules comes closer.

"Listen, I know we've been busy, but-"

"Busy? BUSY!?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BUSY!?! TOO BUSY TO BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND!?! TOO BUSY TO BE A GOOD FUCKING HUMAN BEING!?!"

"Where is this all coming from?"

"When was the last time any of you told him thank you?" Everybody freezes. Lafayette's eyes go wide.

"I don't-"

"Or told him he's beautiful or complimented him? When was the last time you hugged him tight, got him flowers for no reason, or his favorite candies because you knew he had a bad day? When was the last time you kissed him good morning or told him good night? When was the last time any of you looked at him like he was the world and made him feel like he was special or held him tight as he fell asleep in your arms? When was the last time any of you told him you loved him?" Lafayette releases a broken sob. He falls on his knees, crying. Alex lets a few tears slip himself as Hercules and John stand there, eyes broken and tears congregating in the corners of their eyes. Thomas opens the door, clear sound of disdain in his voice.

"Don't feel bad. You were "busy", after all." And with that, he slams the door shut. He looks over at Aaron and James on the couch. He goes to the kitchen and gets three cups of tea, bringing them over. They still hear the broken sobs on the doorstep. Aaron sees the shadows move across the curtain and get into a car. Aaron's eyes go wide.

"Are they gonna drive? They can't drive, that's not safe. James, I don't-"

"I know, I know. Stay here with Thomas, I'll drive them home."

"Thank you." James gets up, going outside. In the front seat sits Hercules. He opens the door.

"Get out, I'll drive."

"What?"

"Get out, I'm driving. Aaron's too worried about your safety that I'm sure he'd rather me tackle you to the ground and steal your keys than allow you to drive." Lafayette releases a new sob with more tears. Hercules gets out, going into the back of the van. James gets in. For the first few minutes, they drove in silence.

"Two months." James stated. Lafayette looks at James, confused.

"What was two months?"

"The last time any of you told Aaron you loved him. Two months. Two months since you kissed him, one month since any of you said thanks, and three weeks since you had a normal conversation that wasn't about work. Interestingly enough, it's been a week since Aaron has told any of you he loved you, and yet you never responded. So, now you know why Thomas was so mad. You guys are roommates, not partners." Alex begins to shake.

"We need to talk to him! Please, I-I need-"

"Calm down."

"No, you don't understand! He has-"

"Anxiety?" Alex goes silent.

"Remember, I was with him before any of you. And his anxiety is already acting up. You know how insecure he gets, especially when it comes to you four. He joined you three years after anyone else. He never felt like he really belonged, but you guys were able to tell him different. To SHOW him different. Now, you haven't been. The four people that told him he was wanted stopped telling him that. I was sitting at home, sick like always, when I heard a knock on my door. I open it to see a broken man who has lost his will to do much of anything, including eating. When I hugged him, I thought I would shatter him. I felt his ribs. I asked why he didn't eat and you know what he told me? "Nobody notices when I don't. Everything is falling apart around me and I am the one thing in life I can control. I thought if I didn't eat for long enough, I would fade off into nothingness. No more pain, no more tears. It's a useless wish and not realistic, but that's what I was hoping for." He's hurt. He's hurt and you guys have yet to fix it." There is silence once more. James pulls into their house. "Aaron's strong. He's the strongest one I know but even he breaks. I will try to comfort him and hopefully get him to eat something. Above all, I will protect him. You won't need to worry about his safety as long as he's with me." They pull into the driveway and James gets out. The four make their way inside as James sighs. They love him and Aaron loves them but they made a mistake. And this mistake? This mistake was a bad one. He just hopes they can recover from it.

James makes his way to the bus stop, returning home to a friend who needs him.

______________________________________________________________________________ 

John is curled in a ball, his phone in his lap. It's been two weeks since Aaron left and they haven't seen him since. None of them have gone back into work and they rarely leave the house. James messaged them and told them that Aaron is safe. John hopes he's also happy. Aaron deserves that much. On John's phone is a voicemail that Aaron sent him years back and he's always kept. It was after they got together. John plays it once more.

"Hey John, it's me. I'm assuming your phone is dead, considering your ringtone is loud enough for me to hear two miles away. Anyway, I was just wondering if you were free this weekend. Nobody else is but I'm being forced to go to the Schuylers' party and I don't want to go alone. If your busy or don't want to come, that's alright. I don't really want to go, either. Anyway, I'll need to hear from you soon to let them know. Okay, I love you. That still feels so strange to say. I'll let you go now. Goodbye... I love you." John breaks down in tears.

"I love you too, Aaron." After ten more minutes, he wipes his tears and heads to the kitchen. The house has not been the same since Burr left and it's absolutely awful. John has been deprived of all his energy, Lafayette is always crying, Alexander doesn't even talk anymore, and Hercules is just trying to keep everyone alive. He called his boyfriends' bosses and were told they could just work from home. Though, they haven't been patronizing them for not completing the simple tasks they were told to. Hercules makes sure everyone is fed, showered, and rested, understanding that they can't make it up to Aaron if they're dead. Though Alex doesn't do much during the day, he writes at night. Countless of heartbroken poems and stories come from that study. He cannot sleep at night. The nightmares are too much. Hercules can only get him to take small naps throughout the day. Lafayette panics when no one is in the same room as him and John just replays that one voicemail to just hear Aaron. Hercules is forced to repress his feelings just to stay strong enough to help the others. 

His mental health is going down the most.

It's about five and everyone is gathered around the table, all overly tired. They've slept in the living room, even resorting to sleeping on the ground. The few times they are forced to go into the bedroom are painful and quick. There are too many memories tied to what has happened there and what should have happened with the months that they spent on work. Hercules is the only one who goes in there on a regular basis to get the others' clothes for showers.

Nobody has even looked at Aaron's study in the attic.

Aaron always loved his study and was the one who requested the attic. It was his own little space and the others respected that. It was a lot to jump from no significant others to four boyfriends. They knew it smelled like the candles Aaron would burn while he was working to help relieve stress. A smell that always seemed to linger on Aaron and just became a part of him. John stares at his phone once more, going back to his texts just to make sure James really said Aaron was fine. Hercules was getting ready to make dinner and it was eerily silent. Laf is sipping on soothing tea and Alex is just staring. They are completely falling apart because this is all their fault. They are the ones who made Aaron feel like he didn't belong. They are the ones who ignored all the signs. They are the ones who didn't think about Aaron's anxiety.

They are the ones who didn't say "I love you".

Out in the driveway, they hear a car pull up. Eliza has been coming once a day just to make sure everyone is still alive. She has seen, first hand, their mentality decreasing the spam of a few days. It was honestly terrifying. She didn't know what was gonna happen if Aaron stayed away for another week or two. However, she wasn't gonna tell him that he needed to come back. Aaron needed to return when he was ready. Otherwise, everything would just be worse. The front door opens and John sighs. He hears the steps to the kitchen.

"And I thought my mental health was bad." The four whip around at the voice. Standing there with two pizzas was none other than Aaron Burr, their fifth and final boyfriend. Lafayette jumps forward to hug Aaron but Hercules stops him.

"Aaron, before we say anything, I need to know. Why are you here? Is it because you are willing to listen to us try to explain our stupidity or is it..." Hercules swallows, tears streaming down his face. "Is it to get your stuff?" Aaron looks around. Four sets of completely broken eyes stare at him, waiting for an answer. He sees the tears roll down their cheeks and notices how awful they all look. Burr sighs and sets down the pizza. He lays his hand on Hercules' cheek.

"I'm here because I live here with my four boyfriends and I wanted to come home." And with that confession, the four sweep him up into a hug. Aaron lets a few tears roll down his face. Alex grabs his face and begins kissing it.

"IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou-"

"Calm down, Alex. I'm not going anywhere." Alex finally kisses Burr on the mouth.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Lafayette pulls Aaron towards him next. He trails his hands over Aaron's arms and finally looking him in the eye.

"I just wanted to make sure it's really you."

"It's really me." Laf kisses him extremely gently as if he was afraid that Aaron would disappear. Burr accepts the kiss. Laf pulls back and smiling.

"I love you." John takes Aaron's hand next, pulling him close. He kisses him as if it was the last time he ever could, filling it with the energy John's been lacking since Burr left.

"I love you." John declares. Aaron giggles and then turns to Hercules.

"Thank you for keeping them alive." Hercules shrugs.

"Eh. I figured you'd be upset to see an empty house when you returned." Hercules moves across the kitchen and hugs Burr. "I'm so glad your back, though. I love you."

"I love you too." And with that, Aaron kisses his final boyfriend. Lafayette hugs him from behind once they finished.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron."

"It's fine. I should apologize to you guys, actually. I should have just talked to you guys when it really started bothering me."

"Aaron, don't apologize. We should have noticed something was wrong and should have never neglected you like that. We shouldn't have neglected each other like that." Aaron smiles.

"Tell you what. You guys don't neglect me and I will make sure to talk about whatever is making me down. That way, we all are just better." The four smile and nod in agreement. Aaron looks around. Their smiles look so much better than the brokenness that was there before. Aaron steps out of the embrace to grab a few bags from behind him. "Now, me and James went on a two-week road trip as sort of a mental reboot. We traveled to a bunch of different states and I got some cool stuff for you! We even visited an aquarium and I found this giant sea turtle plush that I just had to get you, John. It's like the size of me! What did you four do?"

"Become a selective mute."

"Lose my entire will to live."

"Develop separation anxiety."

"Slowly spiral into crippling depression."

Aaron stares at them for a few seconds. His eyes become wet with tears once more.

"I never should have left you guys." John pulls Aaron to his chest.

"Don't say that. You needed to make sure you were okay. You come first. A broken pillar can't hold up an entire house. We don't blame you for leaving. We're just upset at ourselves for letting it go that far. Could you ever forgive us?" Aaron kisses John.

"Of course. Now, how about we eat before the pizza gets cold? Also, here." John is handed the giant turtle. His eyes light up in a way that none of them have seen in months.

"I LOVE IT!!!"

"Okay, now, I got this for Hercules. I don't really know what it is, we got it at a flea market sort of thing. It's hand-sewn and kinda cute in a hideous sort of way and for some reason, it something that I looked at and thought 'yeah, Hercules would appreciate it'." He gives it to Hercules he stares at it for a few minutes. It's one of those things where it's so repulsive it's absolutely adorable. From a craftsmanship point of view, it's wonderfully made and won't fall apart. It's also very soft, which is a bit surprising. "I added the beanie myself. I know you were talking about getting a white one a few months back, so I got you one. I know it's weird but the lady was just so nice and I thought of you as soon as I saw it. What do you think?" Hercules stares into the eyes for another minute.

"I like it." Hercules states so strongly, Aaron knows it's a fact. He beams at the statement and goes back into his bag.

"Well, since the first two were stuffed animals, at least, I think Hercules' is an animal, I decided to stick with that theme. Also, I just couldn't say no to this." Aaron pulls out a rooster wearing a striped shirt, beret, and holding a baguette. He's also got the French flag sticking out of his hat and a stereotypical French mustache. Lafayette gasps, making grabby hands to it. Aaron gives it up.

"I'm gonna name it Louise."

"That's an exciting name Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Rock Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette."

"What about me, Aaron?!? Did you get anything for me?!?"

"No." Alex's face drops and he looks like he's on the verge of tears. Aaron immediately feels guilt. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding, please don't cry. I got you this." It's a black teddy bear with a golden star on its chest. It's gripping on to a giant stuffed quill, almost like a koala would, a branch. "That was actually a custom design. We went to a place sort of like Build-A-Bear Workshop and I found the bear and added the star. The quill wasn't actually there but the man who owned it offered to sew it for me. I thought it was cute." Alex tackles him in a hug.

"Thank you so much!" Hercules walks over to the cabinet and pulled out some plates. The went to the living room to sit down. Aaron plays with the small plushie he got himself. It's a gray cat with purple eyes and a purple suit coat like the ones they would wear in the 1800s.

"I feel horrible. While you guys were sitting here and waiting for me to come back, I was out traveling and having fun. That's not fair to you."

"Aaron, never apologize for being happy. We all needed time to think. You said it yourself, you went on a mental reboot. Don't feel bad that you took care of yourself. We can't only be happy when we are together. That's not healthy. Okay?"

"Okay." John shoots up and looks at Aaron.

"Tell you what. Sometime this summer, we go to the train station and buy tickets. We just tell the person to get us a ticket to somewhere far away and we go! It'll be an adventure!" Aaron laughs. These past few months have been absolutely awful but it's getting better. Even now, he looks around and sees the people he fell in love with. Lafayette pulls him close and lays a kiss upon his head. He lets out a breath that he felt like he's been holding for months and relaxes into the embrace of his lover.

Aaron Burr is okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I had to make it end happy. It seems I can't bring myself to end things with no chance of things getting better. Also, to make up for this sad one, maybe I'll do a super short one sometime throughout the week. I have ideas that I can't stretch out into a thousand words long fanfic so I might post one of those.


End file.
